Thursday, May 16, 2013

the post about moms

M and I took a much needed breather this past weekend to celebrate our 11th anniversary.  We got married on Mother's Day weekend, and it usually ends up that we are celebrating both moms and our marriage that weekend.  Maybe I should have felt guilty that I got to sleep in on Mother's Day in a trendy hotel with the children allll the way across town. Maybe I should have felt guilty while savoring breakfast slowly and smugly watching other mothers scold toddlers for jumping in the fountains in their Sunday best.  And maybe I did for a minute, but then I remembered visiting a friend last week that looked at me with tears in her eyes wondering how you "do this" (btw not the first or last time a new mom has/will say this).  Then I teared up too because I remember those early baby day when you have a grinch belly, and you're more tired than you ever knew you could be, and though you love this new little bundle even more than you even knew you could you are also pretty overwhelmed with...well everything.  I thought about the model of Tennessee made out of salt dough and complete with crops and gumdrops (for the cities) that Natalie and I stayed up late making last week.  The adventures in potty training lately with Hallie (cue lots of carpet cleaner).  The lunch with a friend that I would have very much liked to catch up with instead of frantically gulping down my burrito while making sure H didn't run off.   And I thought of my sister who was thrown a bit into the middle of motherhood with soon to be (awesome!) stepkids, and has declared that she has permanent bags under her eyes (welcome to the club).  So, yes, I savored every bit of the kid-free weekend with my husband.

Having said all of that (smile), on our way back into town we were going to have one last hurrah and catch an early matinee then decided we wanted to see the kids more.  Ben made a book for me that is so precious...and a little too truthful about me - ha!  He had to write an acrostic for me and the E in my name was Eating lots of chocolate- thanks Ben.  But we got such a good laugh out of it, and I really was so touched.  That book must have taken days!  Natalie gave me a painted pot with a flower in it, but my favorite moment with her since then was today.  She was really ill at the thought of her pig lung dissection today, and she was so flushed I thought she really might be sick.  She braved it out and went to school then came home with news that (though it smelled terrible) it was so cool.  She said people were passing out around her or running for fresh air, but she loved it.  Hallie is still at the really sweet stage where she lights up every time you come home.  She very often throws her arms around me and says, "Oh, Mommy I love you so much."
So, I guess what I'm saying is this Mother's Day I was thinking a lot about how this must be such a  hard day for so many women who want to be moms or have lost children or miss grown children faraway and the list goes on.  I was thinking so much (and still am!) about how blessed I am.  I have always always wanted to be a mom, and I love them so much!  But I think it's also okay to not feel guilty for wanting to take a walk/nap/movie/anything alone.  It's a day to acknowledge that mothering is a very hard job, and not because we don't love them but because we love them so much.  I'm so thankful to the (informal) league of moms in my life that have given me advice and encouragement and a "I've been there".  You are more awesome than you know.