Tuesday, March 22, 2011

bad advice


A few years ago when Benjamin was a baby we were walking in the grocery store, and an older woman stopped a young mom and asked if her child was her only one. When she said yes the older woman excitedly told her that she should not have anymore b/c she just had one son and he was the most perfect child/person (she said he was in his 30s now) because she could give him her whole attention. Wow, I mean WOW right? I can only imagine what it would be like to be the daughter in law of this woman. Anyway, after she said this she glanced over at me ( I was probably staring in shock) then looked from me to Natalie and then Ben and gave a look that said both disgust and pity and also ahh you are a lost cause. I then looked at the young mom and said something like," We're pretty happy not being perfect".
So today I thought of this again. I thought of how there is never enough time/energy to give all my children the attention I would like to give them. I was thinking of how successful they would be if I could nurture them individually constantly, or at least finally achieve ever elusive balance. Today I had this plan of what I could do with the kids separately, but as it is most days nothing worked out right. Ben didn't want to go play soccer with me he wanted to watch TV. N was hot when she got home and wanted alone time. Then when we were all ready to go out H started crying... But eventually H fell asleep and Natalie and Ben both got the time they needed to themselves and were in better moods to go play catch outside and laugh and roll in the grass. Then N played with Hallie so I could have the time and patience to help B with his homework. Then there was the beautiful time of about one hour where they just played together happily, and when I came to check on them they were all curled up next to each other ( I mean it was magic). It was better than I planned.
Okay so I just get little slivers of time to be with them one on one, but the rest of the time I think they are getting some great character building-learning patience, sharing, love, etc. aaand not having the pressure to be the perfect child. And I think er know that is perfect for us.
p.s. This photo has not much to do with this post except we have been enjoying the gorgeous sunshine, and I love Hallie's sun hat (even though she hates it and wants to pull it off but thankfully she hasn't figured out velcro yet).

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