Tuesday, January 25, 2011

searching for grace




My day often consists of chore after chore. I seem to always be thinking about the next thing that needs to be done, so there isn't a lot of time to let my mind wander. When it gets to wander I have the most beautiful thoughts and memories and ideas. I think the most profound things, but then before I get a chance to write them down or think them fully through they are gone- vanished into thin air. I think how blessed I am to be living my dream. But then in the midst of that thought I either fall asleep or have to attend to a crying baby or address an argument about something like the ownership of a Webkinz. I just don't have a lot of time to wander. Even now as I have a few mins. to essentially waste time b/c M's mom is picking up Ben from school I am thinking of all the things I should be doing with this time.
I guess what I'm afraid of is that I'm missing something. Raising children is a big deal. I see and hear all the time how a person has either succeeded or failed in life b/c of something their parents did or didn't do. There are so many things to be thinking about- loving my children (this comes easily most of the time) and when something isn't pressing I do love to take them to the park, the library, read a book, dance with them...for me this is the part of parenting that is right up my alley. Then there is teaching them to be how to be healthy, feeding them the right things, making sure they brush their teeth, helping with homework (and this is hard for me b/c there are sooo many subjects), nourishing their walk with God and teaching them right/wrong...I could go on and on. So with so many things to teach and so many opportunities to fail....... how do I know I'm not coming up short? I know what I would tell other moms asking me this question. I would say to ask God for the strength and knowledge to know how to parent and He will lead you in the right direction and ask Him if there are places that you need to work on. I guess what I'm saying is I feel like I'm doing my best and hoping that God takes over for me in the places I'm the weakest in. Some days I feel super confident but then days like today not so much. Love the words from this worship song...
Lord I'm tired, yes I'm weak
I need your power to work in me
But I can't let go, I keep hanging on
There must be more
On a lighter note Sunday is M's 30th birthday!!! And these are some pics I took of him and the kids to help celebrate.

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